This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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