Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've blown a few things in my day
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
