You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
