Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need a beard to bite.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
