next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
