The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
