He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
