What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
