I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
