Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
