I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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