I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
