So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
