Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize