Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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