I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
