there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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