i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
