Quick, to the slutcave!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
