Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
