there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
