we have pet lesbian snakes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
