Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
