you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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