when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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