Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh god it's open bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
