R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
