My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my shit smells like andre
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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