He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
