He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
