A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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