I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All the doctor said was why
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
