I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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