Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
