there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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