i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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