Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
