I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize