he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
