They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
