There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
