i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
