her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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