Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
