That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
