It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
