her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
