Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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