i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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