My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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