i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
